Before getting into the list of terms used by practitioners of Kink and Ethical Non-Monogamy it's important to have a little context. Like most language the ones used in these subcultures has developed and evolved over time. Since Kink and Ethical Non-Monogamy are subcultures the languages used are not at all universal. You may find that many terms are used in ways different than you see here. The following definitions are based on my own experience, my awareness of current usage within the subcultures, and an awareness of the common usage by people outside of the subcultures. I take a somewhat broad approach in defining these terms. Others may define them more narrowly. Neither way is correct. It's only important when conversing with someone to understand each other's definitions. Arguing whether something does or does not fall into the definition of a specific term serves no purpose. No one is "right" or "wrong".

In the descriptions below you may find certain oddities such as using a lowercase 's' to begin the word submissive even when at the beginning of a sentence. This is merely my own convention. You may find others who share it and you may find many who do not. Again, there is no correct way. Only preferences.

The Kink and Ethical Non-Monogamy subcultures have a lot of overlap in terms of membership. Many people who are into Kink have, at some point, dabbled in some form of Ethical Non-Monogamy. The reverse is also true. In some cases people are fully committed to both subcultures. In a way the two lifestyles have similar foundations. Communication, consent, and self-reflection. With these foundations one can navigate one or both of these lifestyles. Of course, when participating in both, the need for communication, consent, and self-reflection is much higher. Learning some of the language can help with this.

It's important to note that informed consent is implicit in everything described below. In practice consent should be explicit. Meaning that to have consent you must discuss openly, honestly, and fully what you intend to do and all parties must agree before beginning. Enthusiasm is another component of consent that is important. When obtaining consent the person must be enthusiastic. This means any hesitation should be addressed from a position of not having consent. Pushing, coaxing, or pressuring, even in a "joking" manner undermines any consent you may get. Consent must be freely given by an enthusiastic and sober partner.

BDSM is an acronym that describes many activities. It consists of three components. However, even these three components do not cover the full range of activities that are considered to be under the umbrella of BDSM. The word "Kink" can also be used to refer to BDSM. The three components are separate though they can be used in nearly any combination. BDSM is infinitely customizable. For instance one can enjoy bondage without having a power exchange dynamic (described below). The three components are:

Bondage means using restraints of any sort, including mental control, to impede the movement of yourself or another. This includes ropes, leather, metal, wood, hypnosis, devices, etc. Discipline can mean the use of various techniques to modify behavior and/or it can refer to the techniques used independent of an intention to modify behavior. For instance some people would call spanking a form of discipline. Spanking can be used to condition, via punishment, a person to behave in a different way. It can also be used as a fun activity for those who enjoy it.

Domination and submission are two halves of a power exchange dynamic. Domination means taking control and responsibility. submission means the giving up control and responsibility. The people in such a dynamic may use various names, titles, or "honorifics" like Dominant (Dom, Domme) and submissive (sub).

Also known as Sadomasochism. Sadism is the enjoyment of inflicting physical or emotional pain on others. For the sake of this description I remind you that we are strictly referring to consensual activities. Masochism is the enjoyment of receiving physical or emotional pain. S&M exists on a spectrum from light spanking to causing intense amounts of pain. There is no point on the spectrum that is any better than any other. The only points on the spectrum that matter are the ones that you and your partner(s) want to explore.

A power exchange dynamic consists of two or more people such as a Dominant and submissive who exchange control for responsibility. What things are exchanged for what responsibility is entirely up to both parties entering into the dynamic. Some examples are control over what clothes to wear, control over when to orgasm, control over how to orgasm, control over who cleans the dishes, control over which route to take while driving. With each item of control there is a corresponding responsibility. Some examples of responsibilities connected with the aforementioned examples of control are responsibility for choosing clothes that are temperature and public appropriate, responsibility for allowing enough orgasms to maintain mental health, responsibility for doing a fair amount of dishes, responsibility for getting to a destination on time. Power exchange exists on a spectrum. On one end power exchange can be very limited to certain sexual activity. On the other end power exchange can be complete. There is no point on the spectrum that is any better than any other. The only points on the spectrum that matter are the ones that you and your partner(s) want to explore.

In a BDSM relationship (power exchange dynamic, bondage partnership, S&M relationship, or otherwise) trust is of the utmost importance. Trust in this context cannot be demanded. It must be earned. Earning it means respecting that outside the dynamic each person is entitled to make any decisions for themselves.