Learning to protect yourself in the modern world is becoming increasingly more difficult. Scams, dangerous people, abuse, and ghosting are just a few ways you might be hurt when dating. There are three important mediums that require different approaches. Online dating, in person dating, and a hybrid.

Online dating has become more and more popular for temporary and even permanent relationships. Being behind a screen can make you feel more protected, but it also makes predators and scammers more protected. It's very difficult to hide who you are when you are face to face with someone, not impossible, but difficult. Online it's very easy to pretend you are someone who you are not, hide important aspects of yourself, and end a relationship without warning. While online dating is a very valid and extremely common form of dating it has many drawbacks. A few things you can do to help keep you safer when dating online exclusively:

Get to know anyone you meet before agreeing to anything. I don't recommend getting into any form of dynamic with a person until you have known them for multiple weeks (two at minimum). For any sort of serious dynamic I recommend at a minimum two months of getting to know someone.

Don't agree to anything you don't want to. Before you agree to any sort of arrangement or play consider if it's something you actually are interested in. For kinky dating this is especially true for submissives. Predators often use the idea of submission to convince people that they need to accept things simply because they are Dominant. With non-monogamy it's important to consider if you want that to be your relationship dynamic.

Safety is a complex topic. The first thing to understand is that safety is not a binary. The question "Is this activity safe?" should always be answered in the negative. That doesn't mean that activity should not be engaged in. It does mean that to engage in the activity all involved must know the risks, do their best to mitigate them, and be prepared to accept the consequences. Especially when it comes to BDSM almost all of the activities inherently have risk.

Each risk has a risk profile that consists of two components. The first is the consequences ("the risk"). For example, one risk of bondage is nerve impingement. The second component is the chances that the risk will happen. In most cases the chances have to be guesstimated as the actual numbers are very rarely available. Wherever possible consulting more than one expert (experienced and knowledgable) source is advised. It's also advised to lean on the side of extra caution. The newer you are to kink the more extra caution you should take. As you get more experience you can decide for yourself how much you want to rely on your own experience to determine the risk profile of a specific activity. Though each new activity should be assessed before beginning to practice it. Being an expert at spanking does not mean that you are qualified to determine the risk profile of rope bondage.

Each activity has multiple risks. When determining if you want to do something it can be very helpful to write out the risks, their consequences, and the chances that they might occur. In addition, recognizing that you cannot know all the risks is important. By writing it all out and reviewing it you can decide if the risk profile is too high. Certain activities can be low probability and you might think that automatically makes them good activities to do. However, if the risk is death or serious injury you might decide that even a low probability is too high. This is why both components are important. All participants in the activity should be part of this risk analysis. To give FRIES (Freely Willed Revocable Informed Enthusiastic Sober consent) one must be aware of the risk assessment.

Once you have the assessment written out the next step is to do everything you can to mitigate the risks. Sometimes it's as simple as having someone watch you. Other times it means learning a new knot or technique that will make a particular risk lower probability or even zero probability. This is where consulting with experts comes in handy. They may have, or know someone else who has, a technique that reduces the risk profile considerably. Searching the internet, posting questions in advice forums, and asking local community members can all be good ways to find out how to mitigate the risks of a particular activity.

All the risk awareness and mitigation in the world will not prepare you for things you haven't thought of, things you underestimated, or things completely outside your control. This is why it can't be stressed enough that you have to prepare for the unexpected. That may mean accepting that things go very badly and someone ends up in the hospital, prison, or worse. If you plan to play with risky things these are potential consequences. It can also mean knowing where the closest hospital is, the number for an ambulance, having a first aid kit handy, and being ready to reflect on how you did something wrong. Admitting you made a mistake, misjudged things, underestimated the risks, or overestimated your abilities is the bare minimum for recovering from kink gone wrong.